If You Go Down to the Woods Today...

I sauntered out of the Câmara building and turned left into Rua Visconde da Luz. The warm, sunny weather had brought out a large number of shoppers and tourists, but I wasn’t going to let that spoil my enjoyment. I sat down at a vacant café table and ordered a beer from the hovering waiter. Mid-afternoon and the place was humming.

“Frankie!” I called, waving an arm. “Over ‘ere, my son.”

A balding, middle-aged man acknowledged the greeting with a smile, and came over.

“Beer?” I asked, as Frank manoeuvred his bulk onto a plastic chair.

“I didn’t recognise you in those tart’s sunglasses,” he replied.

“What d’you mean?” I took off my eyewear and examined the crimson-coloured frames. “Flamboyant is the word I’d’ve chosen.” I picked up my drink and signalled to the waiter more of the same.

“You’re very happy,” Frank said.

“Just finished a lesson with Idalina at the Câmara.”

Frank smiled knowingly. “Made any progress?”

“I’d say she’s intermediate level now.”

“Not her English.”

“A gentleman never tells.”

“I’ll take that as a definite ‘no’."

“So what’s been happening up your end, if you’ll pardon the expression”

“Problems with the new house. It was much colder than we expected in the winter, and Jenny wants to get some proper insulation installed.”

“I thought that was included when you had the place built?”

“So did we. Seriously, though, it was, but you’d never know it, so she wants to get some firm in to do the job properly.”

“And the problem?”

“The usual.” Frank rubbed his thumb quickly back and forth across the tips of his fingers on his left hand.

“Ah.”

“Actually, that’s not strictly true. We can get hold of the necessary, but at a price. As you know, we own a strip of pinhal behind our house.”

I nodded and took a sip of beer.

“Well,” Frank continued, “I was chain-sawing some wood down there a couple of weekends ago and this guy came up to me. Never seen him before, but it turned out he owns the two adjacent pieces, and he offered to buy ours.”

“Problem solved, from where I’m sitting.”

Frank drew in his breath, and frowned. “True, it would pay for the insulation, but one of the reasons we bought that land was for the pinhal. It gives us extra space and a great supply of wood for the stove. Saves having to use bottled gas for the central heating, a one-way ticket to certain financial armaleggon. All of which begs the question: would it be cheaper in the long run, or not?”

“What does this bloke want it for?”

“Logging. His bit to the left of our house is really big, and he sells the wood. At the moment, the only way he can take it off his land is by lowering it over the edge by the road, which is dangerous and time consuming. If he had our bit, he could make the join to his other bit, which slopes gently onto that stretch of road, and so he’d have better access.”

“Bit of twizzler, that. So what’re you going to do?”

“Not sure. He’s a real hustler, rates his own importance and he keeps coming round to ask us if we’ve made up our minds. It’s a right pain.”

****

The following week, Frank was already seated when I arrived.

“You’re a thirsty old beggar,” I said, looking at two beers on the table.

He smiled and pushed one towards me. “So how’s Idalina?”

“I think the time is about right for a bit of homework. So, what news of the pinhal?”

“You won’t believe it. That guy who I was telling you about, Senhor Miguel Costa, is a real subterranean virus. We’d more or less decided to sell him the land, when one of our neighbours said she’d heard he was planning to build a house down there. He needed our piece of land for the access.”

“What a scumbucket!”

“Anyway, we told him there was no deal, because we don’t want to look out on to a house at the back. We have to accept those on either side, and in front, but out the back would just ruin the incredible view and tranquillity.”

“Fair enough. And now he’s well and truly snookered.”

“So we thought, but then it emerged that he’s now gone and agreed to buy another piece of land which will give him access from the other side, even though it’ll be a longer way round.”

"I shook my head, then downed the last of my beer. “No sooner does one door open, it falls off its bloody hinges.”

****

I’d not been back long when my mobile woke up. “Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Idalina.”

“Hold on, I’ll just mute the TV. There, that’s better. What’s up? Cancelling the class?”

“No, nothing like that. I was wondering if you could check through a document for me.”

“Sure. What’s it about?”

“It’s part of my PhD in Town Planning.”

“How many pages?”

“Ten.”

“And when do you want it?”

“I’ve got to hand it in tomorrow afternoon.”

“Sheesh!”

“I’m sorry it’s short notice, but I’ve only just finished it myself. If you can’t do it, please say.”

“No, I’ll fit it in. Email it and I’ll start this evening.”

“That’s so kind. I’ll be ever so grateful.”

****

The following week, I was running late. Quite literally, as it happens, my nimble footwork and slim figure ghosting me swiftly on my way as I neatly side-stepped around parties of camera-junkies from beyond the Portuguese border. Frank was sitting under the shade of the café’s awning, sipping at his beer. He was looking at his watch and reaching for his phone.

“Watcher, Frankie. Sorry I’m late. The lesson overran.”

“No problem.”

“Idalina’s such a demanding student.”

“You should be so lucky.”

“Lucky, lucky, lucky.”

Frank groaned.

I smiled, and gestured for a beer. “So what’s the latest on your pinhal?”

“Old Costa is finalising the purchase of the piece of land on Friday.”

“In that case, Frankie boy, have I got news for you.” I pulled open my slim briefcase and took out a single page document. “Wrap your eyes round that lot, my son. And make mine a large one.”

Frank took the document and read it through carefully. “Where did you get this?"

“Idalina. She owed me a favour, so I asked her to do some hunting around.”

“And this is true?”

“Teacher’s honour. Not more than ten minutes ago, I was looking at the original, complete with all the official whistles and bells.”

“So old Costa won’t be allowed to build because the entire pinhal is a designated ecological area.”

“That’s the gist.”

“But he said he was going to, so what happened to his planning permission?”

“He’s applied for it, that’s all. And it’ll be turned down like a volume control."

“That’s absolutely fantastic! How can I ever thank Idalina?”

“Do it when I bring her round to dinner. By the way, you never told me what Costa does for a living.”

“He’s a banker.”

“In that case, I think it best if we keep this to ourselves until Monday, don’t you? Cheers!”

Copyright: Rob Evans 2011

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